week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
