he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
