this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize