Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
