these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
