Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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