I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
