I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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