he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
