Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
