I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
