we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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