Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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