sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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