If i come over, it means nothing
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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