I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
