her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
