College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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