How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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