you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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