If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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