Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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