Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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