I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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