what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
