Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
