i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
