What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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