i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
