I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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