Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
