ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize