Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
