Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
