their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
