she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
