i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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