I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
