I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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