dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize