It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
only if we run a train.
done.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
