Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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