god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
