i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
