so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize