She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
