There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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