We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
