My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
