ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
