You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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