the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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