Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
