I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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