Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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