I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize