Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize