No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
