Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
