There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
