three words: i give head
three words: not that well
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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