8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
