What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
