Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sober January is a disaster.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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