the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
