I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
