i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
