Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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