And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
