We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
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