can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize