Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
