I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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