you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
