I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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