the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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