ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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