In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
